Unfinished things bother me.
I think this is because in the past, I’ve had a multitude of passions that fleeted in and out my life, changing as quick as the Tasmanian weather.
That was until I began writing. The dedication to finishing a book is a hard thing to master. But, there is something in it that brings me to life, and so I persist.
I often berate myself for all the other unfinished projects and ideas I have, sitting in the notes app or scribbled in journals. Some started, some with full shape but not finessed, others just a notion of what could be.
So when I had the thought to stop a particular dream of mine, I resisted.
“Stop being so flakey. Put your big girls pants on and get it down. You just need to hustle.”
That’s what I told myself. But I was wrong.
I got stuck on the private hamster wheel I created for myself. Dreaming all the things and quietly working towards ALL OF IT. Resistant to be a quitter.
But then I paused. I looked at my life and saw something else…
I’d been writing more. And noticed what came with it: Peace. Joy. Growth.
And I realised I’m not quitting. I’m choosing presence. I’m choosing devotion. I’m choosing to honour the one dream that’s lighting me up right now.
It’s okay to release dreams. It’s not giving up. It’s pivoting towards what lights you up. It’s reaching for the growth, instead of the plateau.
And while, I will argue the plateau is a needed phase in life, it’s important to notice when it’s stagnated and time to move on.
The latest, and maybe last podcast episode is my goodbye… for now. A reflection on intuition, ambition, and letting go with grace.
009 - The Calm in the Chaos
It was a Sunday in May. I had plans to write. But
It started with guilt, because why the heck am I still in my pjs at 1pm?
And then shame came, because I have a goal and why wasn’t I working towards it?
After berating myself for not doing the thing I had intended (write), I felt motivated to actually get up and drag myself to my laptop.
Then, I stopped myself.
Because I don’t want to live a life when I only move when I’m afraid.
Of “time.”
Of being left behind.
Of being forced to hurry up.
I asked myself this one question: where does your motivation come from?
The answer was clear: Fear.
Fear that if I didn’t “do the thing,” I wasn’t enough.
Oof. That hit me.
There’s been so many moments where I’ve been propelled by fear. And who wants that?
So I told myself that I was enough. I repeated it until I believed it, until I knew that regardless of what I do — I am enough as I am. Even on the slow days. Even when I don’t create. Even when I rest.
And then, from that place of peace… motivation came again. But this time, it wasn’t from fear.
It was from inspiration.
I had the excitement bubble within. I would write because I love it. Not because of any goal I needed to achieve.
So now, whenever I feel pressure or stress or anxiety to “do the thing”, I ask myself this question:
Is your motivation from fear or inspiration?
And that question has CHANGED MY LIFE!
008 - The Epiphany
I’ve always yearned to be more than what I am, dreaming of this bigger, better version of myself.
What a disservice to myself.
Three and a half years ago, I had a realisation that all I needed to do to become this future version of myself is to stop acting as though she is out of reach. The moment I stopped chasing and started being present and accepting myself as I am right now… is the moment that I became all versions of myself.
Boom!
The problem with this aha moment was that it was followed by a total upheaval in my life. Things changed, quickly and painfully.
I’m on the edge of the same realisation again. Over time, I’d gotten caught in the rat race— striving, reaching, doing whatever I can in order to become this ideal version of me. Constantly working towards this dream. On and on and on
But then, I stop and think this:
“I don’t need to do the thing to become the thing.
I need to do the thing because I already am the thing.”
Boom again! Something new has cracked open inside me.
All the pressure I’ve been putting on myself doesn’t make sense anymore.
I don’t need to show up in order to prove myself, I show up because that is who I AM!
I remember that the version of me I’ve been chasing is already living in me—just waiting to be expressed through PRESENCE!
007 - The Experiment
A few weeks ago, I had a moment.
Now, I’ll preface this by saying I’ve never been a morning person. I would rather sleep in or lay in bed daydreaming then get up when I felt ready. And I’ve always tensed at the word discipline, as though it means I’m lazy.
But recently, with my dreams building and my age not slowing, I realised that the only reason why I’ve felt behind is that I’ve been wasting my time!!
Sure, I’ve admitted that I’m addicted to my phone — but also now, I am admitting that I’ve consistently let the day slip away before it’s even started.
In the past, I told myself, “This is just who I am.” A morning hater. A slow starter. Someone who works best under pressure. But that wasn’t really true. It was just a comfortable story I had been telling myself for years.
So I’ve been running an experiment.
No forcing. No all-or-nothing rules. Just curiosity.
In my little experiment, I gave myself two things to try out:
1. An earlier wake-up time. Yes, I needed discipline for it. Ugh!
2. Stay away from my phone (yes, I’m on it currently as I write this…)
Anyway… just two changes in my life…
And wow! The shift was instantaneous.
More writing. Less distractions. More presence. Less stress and anxiety. More me.
A lovely bonus I discovered was that discipline isn’t a dirty word. It’s not something to bring shame… it’s something that brings freedom. And actually, being disciplined is a way to nourish myself. Who would have thought!
This also isn’t about hustling harder, that’s another sticky word for me. Because I believe we are enough as we are.
But it is about choosing the life I actually want, and being more conscious of how I spend my time.
Honestly, I’m so excited! I feel like I’ve unlocked some secret to life. Only taken me 40-odd years.
And now I can’t wait to see where this takes me next.
If you’re feeling stuck, maybe it’s time to try a little experiment of your own. What’s one small change you can make today?
Listen to how the experiment played out on my latest podcast episode.
005 - The Problem
Recently, I lost half a day to scrolling social media. Half. A. Day.
I woke up with plans—big, exciting, creative plans. And instead, I picked up my phone. Just for a second. Just to check something. And then… poof. Hours gone, and nothing to show for it but brain fog.
Motivation? Nowhere to be found.
And the worst part? I knew it was happening. I could hear that little voice in my head saying, “Put the phone down. You’re going to regret this.” But I kept going because it’s easier to numb out and distract than to take the time to go inward.
The even more worst part is, this isn’t a rare occurrence.
This episode I share my wake-up call. It’s my declaration that things WILL change.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in this cycle, let’s break it together. No more avoiding. No more losing time to things that don’t matter. It’s time to reclaim our creativity, our focus, our lives.
004 - The Freedom of Letting Go
It’s not lost on me that what follows a rage cry is complete freedom. It’s literally letting go of all those bottled up thoughts and emotions that have taken control of your subconscious, causing you to look at all the wrong things. Once those thought and emotions get a little bit of attention, they go on their merry way.
I’ve known this for a long time, experience it over and over again, and yet every once in a while I let fear take over my life.
Maybe next time, I’ll remember that surrendering control allows me to find joy quicker.
Life is paradoxical like that.
Anyway, in the latest episode on the podcast, I talk about how free I’ve been feeling lately, despite the fact I’m not sure if my wild dream will become reality.
003 - The Sign (AKA My Rage Cry To The Universe)
Recently I cried to the Universe about a dream I wanted desperately to come true. There was a bit of indignation and “how dare you give me a dream if it won’t come true” kind of talk. I finished it with a plea to give me something to grasp onto, just to know if I was on the right path.
Two days later I received a glaring sign, that both surprised and elated me.
It wasn’t a sign to say what I wanted was going to come true, it was a sign to say “keep going”, “you are exactly where you need to be.”
And it was everything I needed!
002 - The Mindset Shift
I recently fell into a trap of becoming obsessed and fixated on a dream that I wasn’t sure would or could become reality.
Not to spoil how that worked out for me, but it ended up consuming me and, surprise, surprise, I broke my own heart.
I climbed out of it the only way I could... One intense rage cry later, I faced the reality that I had no control at all.
And then, I shifted my mindset just enough to allow the truth to sink in.
What was that truth?
This:
1. Being so attached and focused on a particular dream or goal keeps me living in the fear of it not coming true. Fear stops me from being present in my body, in my day, in all the good things that show up. And that is so far removed from living the wonderful life I had envisioned.
2. The opposite of obsessing over the unknown future is being present. And when I am present, following my joy, the future doesn’t matter. I feel like I’m living my best life, right now… even without that thing I really wanted.
3. The only thing I need to do and be is MYSELF. Not my highest self or untouchable “best” self, just me as I am right now. My favourite self. My messiest self. Just myself.
4. When I am myself in my truth — and as a byproduct, allow myself to be present — I am on the path of my best life. This is where dreams effortlessly fade or where dreams are made. And either option is fine because joy exists.
That’s the juxtaposition of life.
001 - The Existential Crisis
2024 wasn’t the year I thought it would be.
I think I lost some of my sparkle.
I thought the word Embody would bring me closer to being my highest self; that I would be the embodiment of myself in my purest, truest form. Confident and glorious.
Very early on, I came up against myself in a big way. A “what if I’m not meant for the things I find purpose in?” kind of conundrum.
I pushed through and got past the self worth hiccup… or so I thought.
Then my mum died and I fell into an existential crisis, followed by a crisis of faith.
The crisis showed me I wasn’t who I thought I was. Or rather, I wasn’t who I thought I wanted to be… and that’s better, because who I wanted to be wasn’t actually ME!
Coming close to the end of the year, I thought I hadn’t succeeded in living up to the word Embody, but I realise now where I went wrong.
I couldn’t fully embody myself if my head was in the future, trying to be a version of me I wasn’t yet. That’s the opposite of alignment.
True embodiment is just being present as you are right now, no matter how you’re feeling.
And, existentialism and all, I did that! I felt what I felt and I allowed myself to be exactly who I was in that very moment:
A woman who just wanted to go back to basics and create from the heart instead of trying to force it.
A woman who needed to grieve the loss of her mother.
A woman who needed to realise she was enough, in each moment.
And I think by doing all of that, I truly succeeded in embodying all that I am.
When we are ourselves in the most present, messiest, and honest way… we are all that we need to be.
My word of the year for 2025 is Nurture and is all the heart chakra vibes. Where I hope to be kinder to myself, and to grow the capacity to serve and love others more.
