Here I am again. I’ve brushed myself off from the events of 2021 and am back to witness and honour myself as I grow in 2023. This time I am giving myself grace and freedom, hence 23 photos as opposed to 52.
I sit in the spot where my little writing studio/cottage is planned to be. I feel excitement in the current empty space where I dream of creating many a glorious thing. Books and card decks and courses. For now it’s an idea, just like all good things are.
I feel like that’s a lovely end to my 23ofMe project. Finishing off with an open ended : “but wait, there’s more.”
There’s always more.
I’m not afraid of the shadows… but am I afraid of the light?
It’s a question worth asking.
Am I afraid to be seen?
Am I afraid to be heard?
Am I afraid of success?
Am I afraid to be happy?
There’s always a counter to each question.
Am I afraid to be seen because I don’t want to be ignored?
Am I afraid to be heard because I don’t want to be misunderstood?
Am I afraid of success because what if I fail?
Am I afraid to be happy because what if I get my heart broken?
A long time ago I got to a point in life where I decided I’d rather risk it all than shy away from good things. The mindset of “It may not work out, so I’ll choose to not even try” stopped making sense to me.
Why not reach for the light instead of denying its existence?
There’s a word for it : self-sabotage.
It comes from preservation and protection. It’s choosing to lose instead of trying and failing. It’s betraying yourself.
Hiding from the light is betraying yourself.
Let’s not do that anymore. Let’s not be afraid of the light, let’s not be afraid to try. There’s nothing wrong with trying anything that feels right for you.
Let’s dare to dream, dare to be seen, to be heard… to be happy.
I’m not afraid of the shadows anymore.
Once you’ve felt your whole life slip out from under you there’s a gravity you find within yourself.
I’ve had many people tell me I’m brave, for looking my traumas dead in the eyes and allowing myself to feel the wounds at their fullest capacity.
To hear I’m brave always takes me off guard. In my opinion, I had no other choice. It was either feel the pain completely or carry it with me for the rest of my life, allowing it to seep into my being and my subconscious choices. I didn’t want to live that way. So I choose to dive into the darkness.
And I survived.
So I’m not afraid anymore. To feel. Because once something is felt, no matter how big or small, it is seen… it is acknowledged… it is lived. And then we can emerge into a world where it cannot control us.
My word of the year was Sacral (like the chakra).
My intention for this word was to help me live in my truth, to listen to my gut, to be creative and in flow, to enjoy and live by “vibe”.
About a quarter of the way in, it really shook me. Because what happens when you practise leaning into your truth? When you are not in your truth, it’s so incredibly obvious!
When I was out of alignment, I could literally feel it in my body.
To explain this in a less vague way, when I would normally remain silent and let things slide - my whole body began to fight it, as though I was betraying myself by not speaking up. I wasn’t used to this… I was used to playing small and keeping my needs and feelings quiet.
Things that fascinated me:
By practising to act/speak on my desires and “gut instincts”, the free-er I felt, and the less I did it, the more constricted and out of sync I felt.
The more I tuned into and became aware of my gut instincts and desires the more they nagged at me.
After I voiced a desire, it didn’t necessarily matter if that desire came to fruition or not — the simple act of releasing it from within gave me peace and sometimes joy.
On the opposite side, if I kept a desire hidden or didn’t act/speak out of fear, it would fester in me like a boiling pot about to spill.
Listening to my gut and acting on it aided my manifestation greatly.
Life feels so much lighter and in flow.
I’m still working on being more true to myself but I’m so amazed and grateful for what I have learned and integrated this year.
Did you have a word of year for 2023? What was it and how did it show up for you?
I’m trying to think of something to write here but the truth is that as I was walking around the new property to find a good selfie spot, I really liked the lighting here in front of the laundry door. And then I took so many photos I couldn’t choose one.
Sometimes life calls for a deep introspection and sometimes it’s just simple things.
There is a lightness here I can’t explain. Every time I set foot on the property it feels like peace; the world quietens and I can just be. Dan and I joke about it feeling like we are on holiday yet go to work every few days.
But that’s what it actually feels like - we are living a life we don’t need a break from. Our home is the escape.
I keep stopping myself from saying “how’s the serenity?” Because that feels like an Australian joke, but it is no joke.
Time feels slower here. We can potter about, drag our feet, and yet by the end of the day it feels like we’ve done so many productive things. It seems like a juxtaposition but it’s simply the life I’ve always been craving.
My ADHD suits this place, too. I want to get outside and put my bare feet on the ground… to breathe deep and not worry about a thing. And then, do all the things! It’s a flow.
Anyway, all that to say… I’m happy.
Stepping into my new life like I own the place.
My house.
In less than two weeks, I won’t be able to say that anymore.…
Sometimes opportunities show up as a slightly ajar door. Don’t miss them because you’re too busy banging on a door that was once wide open but since been locked.
Onwards we go!
Hi, my name is Dani and I am inspired by minimalistic living. As I pack my house, I’ve been thinking about how I want my life to look.
Simple yet full.
Slow mornings yet creative inspired action.
Present with my human-ness, yet aligned with my intuition.
I don’t think I could live a true minimalist life but I do need to find meaning for all things in my life.
So, as I sort through my belongings, it doesn’t take very long to determine whether a particular item will serve me as I move forward. I will either place it lovingly into a box and bring it with me or I will, without hesitation, be internally grateful and give it to the “no pile”.
This way, I step into my new life with only things that bring meaning into my life.
Transitions are hard.
I flit between emotions like someone’s holding a remote toward me… fast forward, reverse, pause… excitement, impatience, concern.
If I wanted to be dramatic I would say it feels like purgatory. Why does a few days feel like a month already? Ugh.
But maybe, instead of being dramatic, I can just be grateful that I get to experience this beautiful and excruciating and expanding and scary part of life.
I guess my takeaway is not to take any parts of life for granted, even the parts where I think I know where my life is taking me but the stars are taking soooo damn long to align.
I’m in-between dreaming about the future and remembering the past. The page to the next chapter in my life is hovering mid-air, waiting for the right time to fall.
While I plan out the vision I have for the next phase in my life, I’ve also been thinking a lot about what this house has given me over the last 9 years.
Joy.
Purpose.
Growth.
They’re simple words yet they hold so much in them. How grateful I am to have learned and laughed and grown and found the purpose of my existence here. What a combo!
And so, as I prepare to leave, I say to these walls that make up my home:
Thank you for the joy. Thank you for the growth. Thank you for the purpose.
Thank you… and goodbye.
Forty two.
I’ll take this moment to gloat about the fact that only a few months ago a workmate said that she thought I was twenty-five not in my forties!! I knew there’d be a time where I’d appreciate looking younger than I am.
I actually love getting older, though. I feel like the older I get the more I figure out what really matters.
The more you know what matters, the more present you can be, and the more present you can be, the more joy fills your life.
It’s been almost 2 years since I was diagnosed with ADHD.
I remember in the lead up I had an identity crisis, wondering where I ended and ADHD began. If many of the quirks that made me, me were all glaring symptoms, who was I beneath it all?
After my diagnosis, I felt like my symptoms had gotten even more obvious. I realise now that it was because of self-acceptance. There was no more need for shame or guilt, so I let my freak flag fly. I sunk into myself completely.
The best thing to come out of that was confidence in myself, not necessarily despite the “symptoms” of a neurodiverse brain but more because I didn’t have to try and be anything else but myself.
There’s so much freedom in that.
I don’t have an identity crisis anymore. I am simply me. I am more than ADHD but also, I wouldn’t be who I am without it.
Even though some days it controls me, I’m learning to be a master of it… work with it instead of against it. ADHD and I are a team that you can’t tear apart. A mess of colour and creativity and following the whim of the day. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
In my quest to live in my full truth, the me I was born to be, one thing I’ve learned has taken me by surprise.
I’m practising trusting and following my gut. Whether it’s speaking how I’m feeling about a particular thing, or whether I’m following a spark - big or small. If I lean toward the nudge, there it goes out into the world and it no longer plagues me.
Tell someone I love them, write a book, paint a concept, create a card deck, speak my desires, call a friend, book a tattoo appointment… you get the picture.
It’s weird, because most of the time these things seem extremely important to me. Almost as if I keep them locked up inside me, I am betraying myself. They simmer and swirl beneath the surface, begging to be set free.
I say it’s weird because every time I gain the courage to speak, or create something, or make a decision, these small fires end up taking on a life of their own and I am no longer burdened by the gravity of them.
I’ve done my part — given my desires, my fears, my needs a voice… and then now they’re free to become whatever it is they are meant to be.
It doesn’t matter what happens next, how or if my wildest dreams materialise, as long as I’ve given them a breath of life. And once they’re out of me… calm follows. A sense of freedom so strong, I don’t care if those dreams come true or not.
I’ve learned that it’s not my job to actually figure out the HOW, it’s only my job to follow the call, one step at a time.
That feels a lot like living in present moment to me.
Forgiveness sets me free.
I don’t need to agree. I don’t need to understand. I don’t need to turn a blind eye. I just need to set myself free.
A tower fell, crumbling with ease. The destruction of it was easy yet painful. It was unjust, and I hold on to the rubble of it as though it justifies my hate and proves my righteousness.
But all it does is weigh me down, slow me down — how does that serve me?
I just need to let it go.
Forgiveness is the only next step to set myself free from all that hurt me.
There’s something to be said for inner work. Recently, my incredible friend and I were discussing what makes us not be able to use our voice in certain situations.
You know, those times where you freeze or fawn and then later think… “why didn’t I do or say this”???
At the moment, I’m leaning into using my intuition and following my gut, and learning what’s a yes and what’s a no for me… and in turn follow that up with speaking my truth.
This is all fine. It has been a challenging yet fun practice. My voice feels clear, I can feel myself becoming more of who I am. It also amps up manifesting the life I want. Knowing what you want and don’t want and then following it up, is such a vital part of living your best life possible.
So then why, pray tell me, do I sometimes NOT speak my truth. I know what I feel, yet I can’t voice it.
I’ll tell you why. Self worth.
Self. Damn. Worth.
You can know what you need to do, you can know how to take the step towards it, but that means nothing if you don’t feel worthy.
So here’s me, charging up the solar plexus, we got work to do. I am worthy of good things.
Hi, my name is Danielle and I’m still healing.
Food stains on my yoga pants.
Haven’t done yoga in years.
Haven’t written fiction for that long either.
Dreams lay in waiting still.
I hear their calls to me, sometimes their screams but I don’t run to save them.
Small things trigger me, unreasonable things, things that remind me of my obliviousness.
I don’t want you to see me cry.
My inner child thinks I’m putting her in unsafe situations. She doesn’t know that she can rest easy. She fights me all the way.
Authenticity is my ultimate goal, yet I still hide.
Life is full of cycles. And here I am moving into my spring. I know it’s autumn, but I’ve never been one to follow the norm.
Things are brewing. I feel inspired. Planning is my favourite part. Only a few people know what I’m cooking and I can’t wait to share it. But for now, I’m just going to enjoy the buzz of creation.
This is me saying YES to a thing that lights me up. And I’m honouring myself for following the calling. It’s gonna snowball from here.
The thing I’m learning lately about listening to your inner voice… regardless of what you want the outcome to be, only good things will follow.
In the last 18 months I’ve done quite a lot of introspection — well, more than usual. I’ve done storyboards like this before, highlighting the “many faces of…” but this time it’s a little different.
Before, I’ve owned parts of me that were only meant to be temporary. I said things like: I’m friendly, I’m non-confrontational, I’m nice, I’m peaceful and forgetful and quirky and creative and quiet and lazy. I claimed it all with acceptance, unapologetic.
Yet lately I’ve realised that it doesn’t quite hit the mark anymore. I don’t want to be a culmination of labels and character traits. I don’t want to be pinpointed. Because most of what they are is to help us take the next step forward in life. Thank you “nice” Dani, you’ve brought me this far, but you can rest now… I don’t need your help anymore.
I want to be able to let go of that which isn’t actually a part of me, and I want to be able to welcome new parts that will do the same until I don’t need them any more. I want to be an upward spiral. I want to be like the tide, in ebb and flow.
I want to be nothing AND all of it.
I am what I am in any given moment.
I am simply, me. Just one face… in all it’s glory.
