Being in nature makes me feel simultaneously inconsequential and part of something extremely magical.
31/52 : ADORN
This is 40!
30/52 : HOW DO YOU WANT THE WORLD TO REMEMBER YOU?
Honestly, I don’t really want to be remembered for things I’ve done. I want to be remembered for the person I was, for how I made people feel.
I want to make people feel:
Free to be themselves
Happy, no… joyful
Inspired
Welcome
I just want to be remembered for making people feel good. On purpose or inadvertently. Whether that’s just the things I’ve said to them, the way I’ve been there for them, the things I’ve created for them, or just by being myself.
I believe it’s that hard and that easy. If we are just ourselves, then we will be remembered in the right way.
29/52 : BLACK AND WHITE
I'm a bit of a walking contradiction.
I'm shy but bubbly, idealistic but unmotivated, positive but defensive, organised but forgetful, an independent thinker but emotional, alert but aloof, caring but distant, all or nothing.
I believe in shades of colour, in diversity, in nuance.
Not everything is black and white. There's room for so much more.
28/52 : HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
My Kickstarter launches in a few days, so I’m feeling a lot of things. I’m actually trying not to think about it too much.
I’m on a ledge.
Literally, I guess in the photo, but also metaphorically.
And we all know I love my metaphors.
I’m on a ledge. And I can’t see what’s in front of me. I’m about to step into the unknown. I could fall or fly.
It’s an unnerving scenario. But like with most of my things and ideas I HAVE to leap. The urge and tug in my heart is too strong to not. To hold back is to call defeat before giving myself a chance.
And so we’re counting down the days. 6 to go!
27/52 : HUG
In the morning, when Jonathon has already left for work and I’m in between snoozing my alarm, I hug myself. I snuggle onto my side, curl my knees up, and I just hug myself. It’s nice. A little bit of comfort and a little bit of strength.
26/52 : WORD OF THE YEAR (revisit)
At the start of 2021, I said: “The only resolution I’m doing is to live more in my truth. To accept everything I am, right now.”
Oh boy, what a laugh. Little did I know just what that would mean for me.
My search to be more ‘me’ has led me to find things about myself I never knew existed. Or rather, things that had always existed but I didn’t know.
Be careful what you wish for. Shining lights into hidden places can be scary, messy, and confronting… but also quite liberating.
I’m ready for it.
Bring on the next 6 months.
Here I am, continuing in truth.
25/52 : SHADOWS
I often wonder if people think I’m vain sharing all these self-portraits. As if it’s easy to snap a photo and share it without a worry.
As if anything I ever choose to do is easy.
Truth is, I agonise about it each time I hit upload on a photo, publish and book, or share a new project.
I see the faults. I see the imperfections. I focus on things that don’t truly matter. Am I smiling too much? Did I use too many words? Do people even want to buy something like this? This photo/book/project turned out nothing like I imagined. They never do.
Then comes the hesitation. That I’m annoying. That what I post might be taken the wrong way. Or that no one will care at all.
Over the years, I’ve taught myself how to move through the uneasiness. I’ve taught myself to sit with the shadows and not be afraid of them, to not hide them. Then, I get on with what I first set out to do.
I carry on regardless, because I refuse to let it control me. I refuse to let it dictate how I move, how I think, how I feel about myself.
That’s all it takes sometimes, one quick decision to send it out into the world and the courage to carry on no matter what the reception is.
I want to create and I want to express myself and I want to, maybe, somehow, inspire others to do the same. And so I share myself and my creations, shadows and all.
24/52 : DREAM
I’m right in the thick of my current dream. It’s been years in the making, and now, finally, I see it coming to life right before my eyes. The material version of this dream comes in the form of an empowerment deck, something tangible to hold and play with. But the bigger dream is to inspire people, to empower people, to remind people of how powerful they truly are.
There’s still a chance this dream might not actualise, but that’s the thing about dreams, you never really know how they will turn out in the end.
Sometimes they fizzle as quick as the spark that ignited it. Sometimes, they look completely different than in the dream, but still beautiful, still worth while. Sometimes, like in this case, they’re a slow burn, taking their time to develop.
My dreams rarely end up looking like I imagined them, but there’s a kind of beauty in that, a vulnerability, an excitement. It tells me there are limitless possibilities and limitless outcomes.
But still, I hope against all hope that this one comes to life in all the glory I imagine it can be.
23/52 : INNER CHILD
One of my life’s mottos is : “Feed your Inner Child with things that make you feel free.”
Basically, it’s a reminder to keep things light-hearted. Children show such uninhibited joy from even the smallest of things, and somewhere along the way we lose that. But we don’t have to. Small things can be fun and exciting, if we let them.
The more we feed our Inner Child the more it comes out to play.
22/52 : IT'S ALL IN THE EYES
You can only truly know a person when you can understand what the world looks through their eyes.
21/52 : HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
How the heck am I feeling? Why is it that every time this prompt pops up I’m always in a bit of a disjoint?
I’m feeling like I’m in-between. A limbo of sorts. Half way between myself and someone I used to be.
The uncertainty is spectacularly unnerving.
20/52 : NOTE TO SELF
Dear self,
Just because you’re unravelling doesn’t mean you’re falling apart.
If anything, it’s just a grand reveal of who you truly are.
Love,
Self.
19/52 : THE MANY FACES OF...
I’m having a little bit of an identity crisis at the moment. Or maybe it’s a lot ... time will tell.
I’ve been exploring the why’s of certain traits — whether it’s just me or something else.
If it’s something else. Then who am I beyond that? The thought is simultaneously thrilling and daunting.
* I’m not trying to be vague with the “something else”. I’m fairly certain I have had adhd my whole life. Will be getting a proper diagnosis soon-ish (when I remember to / get around to / find the energy to follow up with a referral).
18/52 : HOME
HOME. It’s where he is. The husband, not the cat. (Although the cat is pretty cool).
Yeah, I’m one of those saps who can’t spend any more than a day apart from her significant other without missing them terribly.
He went away for almost a week a few months ago and I felt a bit lost.
I call it home being with him, because home gives me a feeling of comfort, security, peace, and I feel all those things with him and our kiddies.
17/52 : FAVOURITE THINGS
Notebooks. Window views. Cozy yellow jumpers. Mugs. Tea in mugs. Writing. Plants. Bookshelves. Home decor. Daydreaming.
Just a few of my favourite things.
16/52 : BAD HABIT
I have many bad habits. Like planning to create good habits, then not following through. Or needing to go to the shop and coming home without the very thing I went there for. Sometimes I vague out of conversations because my brain gets distracted by an interesting you’ve said that reminds me of something completely irrelevant. I also sniff a lot.
But this habit is my biggest one—the hardest to break, no matter how many times I’ve tried. When I wake, I stay in bed. I hit that snooze button as many times as I can, pushing the limits of time.
My love of sleep... comfort… daydreams are greater than the need to get out of the damn bed. And if I’m honest, I’m not that mad about it.
*I feel like at this time, I need to add that the photos I take are representations of the thoughts I write. It’s not necessarily true to life. I have makeup on here and look sort of well rested… this is NOT my morning face. I took this photo sitting up with the pillow against the wall, so I could get two hands in and make it look like I was lying down. This is why I started the selfie project with an Instagram vs Reality theme… because most of these photos aren’t reality. They’re expressions. Please know the difference and don’t judge yourself based on the creative interpretations I do of myself. It’s just art.
15/52 : INNER BEAUTY
Don’t judge me for my eye wrinkles, under eye bags, flaky nose skin, chin pimples, dry lips, and grey roots. Don’t judge me for my awkwardness, forgetfulness, inability to prioritise housework, and all or nothing attitude. Don’t judge me by my weight gain/loss, the clothes I choose to wear, the things I like, and the way I choose to present myself. Judge me instead by my actions, by my essence, by my heart.
14/52 : HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
I feel a little bit invisible in this wide world. Sometimes I feel like I send everything I create hurtling into a void. I’m about to make a big move and I’m terrified of failing. Even just thinking about it makes me feel even more insignificant. It’s almost like I’ve conditioned myself to play small and remain inside myself.
I’m okay though, my excitement pushes me through. Well, actually, it’s not so much excitement but this incessant urge to continue on no matter how few sales I make or how few followers I have or how few “likes” my posts get. Sometimes I wonder if it’s just my ego that wants recognition for all the hard work I’ve put in, but then I remember that spark to create something so wonderfully intricate and meaningful and I’m sure that what I offer is needed in this world.
It feels so contrary, to talk like that. Taboo, really. Like, just listen to that chick, saying her work is important.
Anyway, that’s how I’m feeling. Needed yet invisible.
13/52 : JUST BE YOU
Just be yourself?
Ok cool. But it’s a lot. Are you sure?
Fine. Here’s me.
